False accusations!

Have you ever been accused of something you were innocent of? Did you want to immediately defend yourself? Try to prove your innocence or integrity? Or perhaps you have not yet had that experience…

Our Lord Jesus was falsely accused.

We know that we are of God, and the whole world lies in the wicked one (under the influence of)

1 John 5:19, Holy Bible

This post will be more personal, as I want to highlight dealing with accusations as followers of Christ.

In my line of work in support to vulnerable clients, false accusations is unfortunately an occasional experience I have faced. Individuals who go through tough times can react in all sorts of ways to those around them. I want to share a couple of incidences with you, and with that to explore how we should respond to challenges to our integrity from a Biblical view of things.

‘C’ showed a very proud, inflexible manner during my first interview with her. I needed to find out her understanding of health and safety, and whilst she indicated confidently that she understood, ‘C’ refused to give an example when asked. I should have taken this as a warning sign of what was to come later during her stay. She was a devoted, attentive mother to her young child, perhaps slightly over-protective but commendable in her efforts. She gave helpful advice to other single mums in the house, including when they didn’t want it… When new people moved in, I started to get complaints that she was being instructive to them about which bathroom they should or should not use. A couple of times I had to step in as mediator because she was being over-assertive with other people who just wanted a quiet life. ‘C’ was quite clever at diverting the issues away from herself, making it sound like the others were at fault rather than her. But then her over-assertiveness and anger issues turned toward me…

When someone who is very intelligent, clever, angry at her circumstances and manipulative directs those ways towards you, it can be very unpleasant. Loud, aggressive responses… stubborn refusal to listen… twisting my resistance to her behaviour to make it look like she was in the right… even bursting into my office uninvited on one occasion… I came to a point where I just wanted her to be gone from the accommodation. She also managed to convince her child’s Social Worker that the issue was with me personally, so I found myself in the odd position of being offered a counselling session with a Social Services psychologist for both myself and the client! I naturally declined as it was inappropriate. I prayed a lot, for her and for myself. Yet when things felt at their worst, I sensed God guiding me to persevere through the situation. When I wanted to just progress our procedures to evicting her, which would have been appropriate in the context, and with my manager’s support, yet I could not ignore God speaking to me through the situation. So I made a decision to give her another chance. She still wanted to control things around her, but on a smaller scale and she was more careful.

When it was eventually time for ‘C’ and her child to move on through the course of her circumstances progressing, I found out after she moved out that her manipulative ways had kicked in yet again. ‘C’ had told other residents in the house when she visited them after moving out, that I had discussed with her each of their personal matters, as though she was my confidante. They were not sure whether to believe her and whether to trust me as their support worker. So even after moving out, ‘C’ had left behind a trail of her inner mess and angry view of the world. Through it all, there were key things embedded inside me from God’s book of instruction – the BIBLE, which helped me along the way.

Forgiveness – multiple times. Jesus taught us to love our enemies. Confidence in Christ – to stand firmly in my position despite opposition, trusting in His equipping rather than being discouraged. Resisting the devil – the necessity of remembering that satan likes to use other people’s sinful mess to try and take a jab at me. Prayer. Prayer. Prayer! The need to continually ask God to intervene, both in my feelings and reactions and in the other person’s life.

Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for You.

Psalm 25:21

‘B’ has been through difficult times too. She found herself in circumstances beyond her control. Unlike ‘C’, ‘B’ did not try to control her environment as a kick back to her unexpected and even traumatic life experiences. She internalised her feelings more. Sometimes she would seem tense around me. I would smile, I would greet her in her language, and interact with her toddler. Yet she had decided in her mind that she was not comfortable with me, that my meetings with her were too personal. She was harbouring feelings that were not clearly brought to light until later. Following some communications relating to a request she had made, I started to get phonecalls from other services working with her, as ‘B’ was accusing me of discrimination. But it didn’t stop there. It was growing into slander, contacting other organisations to express complaints and accusations of bullying. ‘B’ was filtering my communications with her through her own trauma which affected how she interpreted things… she viewed my communications and position as being another person trying to control her. During a meeting to address the issues, ‘B’ declared at the meeting that I had called her a ‘bad mother’ – I had not. But I had decided prior to the meeting that I would not take a defensive stance.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6, Holy Bible

It’s in our human nature to want to defend ourselves, to seek to vindicate ourselves. But sometimes God may want us to just wait on Him, to be still and not fret. He may use others to vindicate us, or He may still lead us through some more of the trial first. Does this mean we should never speak up and give a response when falsely accused? No… but it does mean that we should seek God’s wisdom, and remember that Christ our Saviour endured accusations and even murderous intent when He came to bring salvation to sinners like you and me. If we are His true followers, we will also experience ways that satan, the father of lies, will seek to come against us. Sometimes the opposition faced may not obviously be an attack on our Christian beliefs, it may be that satan is just looking for ways to distract and disrupt our work, to seek to make us less effective in our service for Christ. It also happens because each person has inner brokenness that distorts the way they see and deal with situations. If we can grow in the compassionate heart of Christ, praying for those who resist us, whilst resisting what the enemy of our souls is trying to do, God will continue to transform us before He may change the situation. The situation may feel uncomfortable, but we can come to the ‘God of all comfort’.

Let Christ be your armour.